Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
