just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it glows. i had to have it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
