Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
