Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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