Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
