The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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