One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
