ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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