So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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