Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
