Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
