3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In other news, I just burned my penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
