i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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