3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
