I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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