Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
