So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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