You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
