the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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