nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
