what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
