I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
