reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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