I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
