my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
