Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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