maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
