I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
