Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
