Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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