Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
