I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
