whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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