Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
