I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize