You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize