I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
