so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
