can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
