Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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