tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
