Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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