The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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