you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
