so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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