You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
