Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize