I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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