woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
