you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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