I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
