____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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