Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
