So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh god it's open bar.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
