I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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