Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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