New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
