I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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