Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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