I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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