White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
