ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
