as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
