It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
