Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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