Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
