he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
