I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
