obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
