I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
