I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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