Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
